Conversations are what we do as human beings—we talk, we listen, and we exchange words with one another. Some of us tend to talk more, while others tend to listen more, but if you have any doubt that conversations virtually define our human experience, listen to these statistics.

The average person says between 13,000 and 20,000 words per day.  Men speak approximately 4.68 million words per year and 375 billion words in a lifetime.  And women speak approximately a trillion words in a lifetime.  That’s a lot of talking!

Despite the difference of a few hundred billion words between men and women spoken throughout life, the reality remains—we all know how to talk.

But…just because we are good at talking doesn’t mean we are good at conversation.

It’d be a mistake to think that because we’re inundated with words, that we will automatically excel in dialogue.

Just as someone who has excessive contact with water doesn’t (as a result) become an Olympic swimmer, so it is with conversations.  Becoming a skilled swimmer is determined by what someone actually does while they are in the water. It’s how they practice, how they strengthen their muscles, and how they treat their bodies.

Michael Phelps didn’t become the greatest swimmer in history by taking warm baths all the time. In fact, in his pursuit of winning an unprecedented eight gold medals in the 2008 Olympics, Phelps spent extraordinary amounts of time not only in the water, but diligently developing his swimming skills. In the 7 years leading up to the Olympics, he spent only 5 days out of the water! In addition, he ate between 10,000 and 12,000 calories per day to gain the energy he needed.  Oh how I wish I could eat that many calories and have a physique like his. Phelps didn’t accomplish something that no one else has ever done by simply having contact with water.

This same principle applies to how we use our words in conversations. We can’t simply be in contact with words and expect to become Olympic level conversationalists. This will only become a reality when we .

That’s essentially what conversational mavens do.

Conversational mavens are experts of dialogue who understand the power of words and are able to create, sustain, and catalyze substantial and meaningful conversations that affect people’s lives, even after the conversation is over.

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Do you often get scared about getting deep in conversation? Especially with friends or acquaintances who have known forever and who it is sort of assumed you don’t talk about things with them?

How do you get there? How do you share wisdom? How do you express your faith in conversations? Are your conversations genuine, are you caring for your friends by loving them with good chats? Do the conversations with friends and family show you really do value them, worry for them, or want to see them flourish?

How do you do it if you aren’t having conversations with them? Spend time with people and share your own life, share your fears and dreams, ask your friends questions of perception …

• Why do you want to go overseas on holidays?
• What was the deciding factor to taking that job over the other one?
• How come your mother-in-law frustrate you so much?
• You are so busy, where are you getting your energy from?

These are just a few easy examples… the more you know your friends, the more perceptive you will be and know what is bothering them, what is really making them happy. And be aware about the trials and temptations your friends are going through. Everyone, Christian or not goes through struggles and suffering.

To the friend you know struggles with their sex life (regardless of their faith stance)… ask him “How is your sex life going? Has it improved? What is the most worrying thing about it?”

Does the worry your friends go through worry you?

To the friend who out of her 4 closest friends is the only one single… ask if it is hard? Has it changed the shape of those friendships?

Does the loneliness your friend battles fill you with compassion?

To the the friend whose little sister has been knocked up… ask how he feels about that? Is he protective? Is he concerned for the decisions she needs to make?

Do you love your friends enough to be concerned for the wellbeing of their family?

Ask about your friends and families lives – care for them… please do not see your family and friends as a task but love that you do actually genuinely care about them and the things that worry and scare them.

Who knows you may be used to share love, offer advice, be a shoulder to cry on, a friend to help out and perhaps even have the chance to share the soothing peace and joy of the gospel?